what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
