did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You were trust falling into bushes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
