I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
