Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
