White coat. Heels.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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