flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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