Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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