i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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