I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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