Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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