I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
