i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
