Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
