She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All the doctor said was why
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
