Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
