There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
