I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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