A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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