fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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