i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
