shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
