I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
