she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
