I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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