Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
false alarm, still single
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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