Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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