There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
