ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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