Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Small penises have feelings too.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I understand Curling. That high.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
