I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
