____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
