I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
