Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
