If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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