Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you had me at cake vodka
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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