I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
