dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
