Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
