With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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