So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
