do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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