omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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