mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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