Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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