On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
