Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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