i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
