New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
