You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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