Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
