May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
