Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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